Making your Jewish Wedding Gown More Modest: Top questions on build-ups and alterations that will reduce costs and maintain style

While some kallah’s experience “love at first sight” when they find their wedding gown, others of us may find it more difficult to fall in love with a modest wedding gown and, instead, prefer a more secular gown with alterations to make it modest.  If you fall into the latter camp, there are several ways to ease the financial burden when building or altering a wedding gown.  Before purchasing the more secular wedding gown that will require alterations to make it more modest, consider these questions:

• What is the best look for making the wedding gown more modest?  Consider all of the options.  Some alteration options are significantly more affordable than others; however, consider whether you are sacrificing style for cost.
• Will you need an entire build-up, or do you just need sleeves, a jacket, or thick lace to make it modest?  An entire build-up is typically the most expensive option.
• You don’t need to re-invent the wheel.  Look at some magazines or go online to track down images of modest wedding gowns that you think will work for making your dress modest. 
• Using pictures to work out a alteration plan with your seamstress is extremely helpful in getting a final product that you will love.
• I have included some pictures of modest wedding gowns from current designers at the end of this blog.  In my opinion, Grace Kelly’s wedding gown is the quintessential timeless modest wedding gown.
• How will you be able to transform your wedding gown into a more modest wedding gown?  Ask yourself:
• What type of fabric is needed to match to your wedding gown?
• My Kleinfeld wedding gown was done by a Kleinfeld designer who did not have left-over lace or other fabric I could use, and the design in the lace was a unique style that was hard to track down.  This made the build-up more difficult, and I was blessed to find a designer (Liz from Designer Loft: 212.944.9013) that was able to source the best matching lace.
• Is this fabric available and affordable?
• While my designer found the best matching lace for my wedding gown build-up, the original fabric underneath the lace that would cover the skin felt scratchy and uncomfortable.  While it was more expensive to go with a smoother fabric, comfort is important and it was money well spent.
• Are their more affordable options using other material that can work with your gown and is significantly less expensive without sacrificing style?
• Before committing to a seamstress or designer, be sure to establish estimated pricing for the type of build-up or alterations you want.  If you are looking to save money, be sure to communicate upfront your budget limit for alteration costs to the seamstress or designer.
• Who will be the seamstress or designer that will help you modify your wedding gown?
• The reputation of a seamstress that has experience with building up modest gowns is essential.  Some of the best seamstresses for doing build-ups may most likely be in the outer-boroughs of NYC and known for catering to the Orthodox Jewish population.  Further, they may be more affordable than seamstresses located in Manhattan.
• Is the seamstress or designer located in a convenient place since you will be expected to come to more than one dress fitting?
• Factor-in the convenience in the location for you to be able to schedule-in getting to the dress fitting appointments.
• I chose Designer Loft for my build-up since they are in the garment district of Manhattan – an easier commute for me than leaving the City.
• How long will it take to make your wedding gown modest?
• From the start, you must work with your seamstress establish a timeline of the number of times you have to come in for fittings and the expected deadline for when all alterations will be complete. 
• Since unexpected things come up, avoid added stress and allow for a cushion of time – make the deadline for the completion of alterations as early as possible with significant time before your wedding date.

The Perfect Modest Wedding Gown

When it comes to finding the perfect wedding gown at a reasonable price, the old saying "you'll know it when you see it" may not always apply to the Orthodox Jewish bride. Finding a modest wedding dress that covers the shoulders, arms and chest in the secular bridal world is extremely limiting and almost non-existent if you’re looking for couture, inexpensive, good quality modest dress. Most Kallah's resort to one of five options, each having their Pro's and Con's:

• Gemach / Borrow: Gemach’s can be a great option, as the price is significantly lower than the cost of buying a wedding gown. For instance, a quality wedding dress from a gemach can cost roughly $400 (when adding the cost of alterations and assuming that dry cleaning is not necessary).
• Pro’s: This is, by far, the cheapest route with the exception of someone offering their dress to you at no charge. Costs to consider are alterations and/or dry cleaning the dress. So looking at the wear and tear, along with the expense to custom tailor and dry clean will help in selecting a gemach wedding dress.
• Con’s: Not all gemach’s will offer the best or widest range of selections or quality, and most of what is offered cannot be viewed online first. Further, searching the gemach’s can be exhaustive.
• Resources: For those of you that are interested in Gemach’s in the metro-NY area, click on this link: http://www.chossonandkallah.com/new-york/jewish-wedding/Gemachs.html
• Rentals and / or Modest Bridal Stores that carries modest wedding gowns: Wedding gown stores in the heart of Brooklyn’s Orthodox Jewish communities will almost certainly offer a wide selection of modest wedding gowns and in-house alteration options. However, couture designer brands with fun and / or exotic looks are not as easy to spot in these stores. But sacrificing the designer name for an owner / designer of wedding gowns in Teaneck will offer up hotter styles that are within the realm of modesty.
• Pro's: Most of these stores offer long-sleeve and collarbone covered dresses galore. Unlike having to build-up a dress that is not modest, you already know how the sleeves look. Since there is no need for a build-up, the costs would only be for the dress and alterations. Further, the store may provide in-house alteration services (so there is no need to drag the gown to a tailor), and the fittings are minimal compared to building up a dress.
• Con's: Several modest bridal stores do not offer designer name gowns (outside of the Jewish world), the quality of material may be questionable, and the selection of styles may not include more exotic or fun looks.
• Resources: For this option, I highly recommend considering Couture de Bride by Tova Marc: http://www.tovamarc.com/
• Renting from Couture de Bride: Couture de Bride offers the option of renting a brand new wedding gown for $1,500. The price includes alterations, a petty coat and veil.
• Custom-made Couture de Bride gown: You can choose from a selection of looks and have Tova Marc make the gown from scratch for $2,000. If you’re worried about the quality of the material, don’t be since she lets you decide on the fabric.
• Clearance Couture de Bride gowns: The store offers sample sale dresses that are “once worn” and cost a mere $300. This does not include the cost for making alterations, and clearance gowns cannot be rented.
• "Build-up" the dress from an otherwise non-modest wedding gown:
• Pro's: You can feel free to shop at any secular bridal store and fall in love with almost any style, which includes designer wedding dresses at sample sale prices (the price for a couture secular dress plus the cost of a build up can be significantly lower than a couture modest dress without the build-up). NY Magazine has provided a Summer 2010 bridal gown directory of stores: http://nymag.com/weddings/listings/gowns/  
• Con's: The time spent on going to several fittings, and the money spent for the build-up can be excruciating. If you do not hire a seamstress or designer with experience in making build-ups then you are taking a huge risk. Even if you do hire the right seamstress, you must still know some of the terminology used in designing the build-up. Further, the final product of having a build-up added to the wedding gown may not provide the ultimate desired look, and the material used may be uncomfortable.
• Resources: For my wedding, I found the perfect Kleinfeld sample sale designer dress that needed a build-up, which deserves a separate blog (it is no wonder that Kleinfeld’s has a TV Show on buying a wedding gown with the kind of drama that can happen there). The biggest tip I can offer is to go to a highly recommended tailor that will provide solid guidance and experience to ensure the build-up looks natural, comfortable, and enhances the look of the original wedding gown. I recommend Designer Loft: http://www.designerloftnyc.com/  
• They are a bit pricey, but the seamstresses are supervised by a designer that offers quality advice on ensuring a successful build-up.
• Jackets, wraps, or other detachable covering:
• Pro's: This can be easy and cheap option depending on the style and material, and allows the freedom to find designer sample sale dresses from any secular bridal store.
• Con's: Having a separate piece as a covering can get in way of dancing or restrict movement. The look may be less put together or too matronly, and it may be hard to match the material / style of the dress or find the right tailor that is also affordable.
• Custom-made Wedding Gown:
• Pro's: If the designer is trusted, the price is right, the quality of the material is high, and the style/cut of the dress is known, then this is a great option.
• Con's: Unknown reputation of the designer, the dress material quality, or if the price changes due to unforeseen costs are all risks. Several fittings may be needed, eating up time that can be spent making other wedding-related plans. Further, the final product of the dress may not look as good on as imagined or the “wow” factor that every bride wants when trying on wedding gowns.
• Resources: As noted earlier, Couture de Bride by Tova Marc is worth considering.